I’m Emily, and for as long as I can remember, my life has been gymnastics. Growing up in Kazan, Russia, my parents put me in gymnastics before I even started school. From there, it was all I knew, practices at dawn, training through weekends, competitions across the country. I studied at a sports academy in Kazan, then went on to a university with a gymnastics program. My world was small, but it was clear. Things changed after my accident. I don’t talk about it much. It wasn’t an accident that leaves you unable to move, but the mental after effect was harder to recover from . I’d once believed that nothing could keep me from being the best, but now… I wasn’t even sure what “the best” meant anymore. The gym felt different, and my body.. though healed.. felt different too. At times, I’d try to step outside my bubble, to experience some part of life beyond routines. I’d sit alone in little cafes in Kazan, watching people go about their lives, wondering what it would be like to have a life beyond the gym. But all those years, I’d given everything to my training, leaving no time for boyfriends, friends, or even myself. My friends talk about relationships, intimacy, love and all these things I’ve never had. I’m eighteen now and feel like I’m missing out on some essential part of life. I want to catch up, to know what that feels like, to stop feeling like an outsider looking in. Even in the gym, I was aware of how different I was. After training, in the locker room showers, I’d sometimes feel the eyes of other girls on me. They’d look at me, at my body, maybe even admire it, but I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Part of me was embarrassed, another part curious. It was like everyone else knew something about life that I didn’t. I haven’t even ever learned how to masturbate and I feel ashamed of of it. Honestly, I could never even say it to my girls, I always had to lie about it. I’m shy, and opening up has never come naturally. I may have missed out on those moments that other people had, but I’m ready to make up for it. I want to experience life beyond the gym, to embrace everything I never had. This time, I’m stepping out of my own shadow, ready to see where this path will take me. That’s why I came here to this studio today, to express myself and learn the pleasures of life that were taken away from me by my ambitions.