2026 is the year you're going to change, right? The year you're going to give up on your degenerate porngooner ways? Yeah...not a chance. There's no fixing you, fuck up! In 2026, you're going to be the most degenerate jerker you can be -- sniffing and gooning until there's nothing left of your identity, let alone your self-respect. Inhale! Breathe in DEEPLY. I'm giving you the New Years party that you deserve. Sniff and stroke! You're going to ring in 2026 with your mind turned to mush. Fucked up, brain cells annihilated, gooned stupid. Totally broken. Welcome to 2026! Sniff again. Stroke HARDER.