You’re a born gooner. It’s what you are. It’s who you are. And you know what? It’s a personality defect. But that’s okay because I still have a use for you. You make me laugh and you’re ever so devoted. I almost enjoy your silly noises and ridiculous faces when you’re deep in the gooner zone. That’s why I keep you around, defective though you are. And you get to keep stroking, so you don’t even care that I laugh at you.